Side by Side: The Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Wisdom & Love
Caryl & Jay Casbon
(To be released June 2023)
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“It is a secret hidden in plain sight: relationships are hard. Relationships bring us to the edges of endurance, mirror our tragic flaws and goodness, and offer the most fertile path to growth we know of.”
For aging couples aspiring to make the most of the final chapter of their shared lives, the authors offer their new book, Side by Side: The Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Wisdom & Love, along with a Reader’s Guide for a deeper exploration into its themes. This book creates access to unique glimpses into thirteen stories of elder couples honestly discussing their relationships, spiritual journeys, and the realities of aging. Possibilities for enriching and enlightening their relationships are presented through many examples and suggestions for new practices. Couples are invited to reflect on the meaning and purpose of their lives and discern how to leave a lasting legacy for those they love. Through this WEB site, extended learning opportunities for working with couples’ groups, online seminars, in-person retreats, and video clips of each couple are made available.
Relationships
In Side by Side, we invite couples to imagine how to maximize their final years left together and explore the intersection of aging, spirituality, and relationships. The book opens a rare window into the intimate, true “soul stories” versus “ego stories” of elder couples with fierce commitments to thriving and growing in their relationships. We ask the question, “What does love mean now?” that invites couples to trace the evolution of their love over time. We explore what is possible as we retire and spend more time together, re-evaluating life priorities and ways to pursue meaning, calling, purpose, legacy, and service. We address changing sexual needs, parenting with adult children, skillfully working through conflicts, and facing the inevitable losses entailed with aging. The intention of this book is marriage/couples’ enlightenment and conscious aging together with wisdom and love.
Aging Together
In Side by Side, readers discover the powerful intersection of relationships, spirituality, and aging by addressing some of the issues entailed in growing older together. The couples share their discernment practices, for this is a time of life to carefully exercise the power of choice regarding living circumstances appropriate to this age, health issues, sensitive caretaking, grief, and the loss of friends and life as we knew it. We explore how much time to spend together, the dance of “me and we,” and the notion of “befriending the stranger” as we change in front of each other eyes. Men are called to consider their “father wounds,” and women to address their challenges as a transitional generation moving in mass into the work world. Each is invited to heal from the damage of the patriarchy and its influence on our lives. Preparing for end-of-life is addressed through the couples telling their stories of losing their parents.
Spirituality
There is an aliveness to the couples interviewed in Side by Side which the authors believe reflects their deep commitment to a shared spiritual life, each following their unique pathways and faith traditions. These interviews demonstrate how couples who share the values and practices of a spiritual foundation experience a field of mercy and a rich capacity for renewal and growth. Their relationships with the Divine serve as a Home that offers stability and safety through the many difficulties, challenges, and heartbreaks that are the common ground of committed relationships. They offer many suggestions and practices for deepening a spiritual connection with each other and with the Creator, and address themes like forgiveness and reconciliation, daily examination of where grace moves in their lives, reading spiritual books aloud to one another, and Centering Prayer or meditation, etc.
Events
Partners
“Side by Side is beautifully written, heartfelt, and profound. The authors traveled the country to interview older couples about their marriages. Their questions were excellent, and the couples they interviewed answered in honest, articulate, and detailed ways.
The stories they tell are powerful and poignant teaching stories.
The couples were from diverse backgrounds and parts of the country, but they shared many common traits. All were spiritual seekers striving for deep and mutually satisfying relationships. Even as they said goodbye to their parents and approached their deaths, they also faced a world in crisis.
In the last chapter, the authors share their own marital struggles. I greatly respected their candor and commitment to each other.
All older people now face the loss of the world as we knew it. These stories of relationships can help us understand how to face even the greatest challenges with love, joy, and equanimity.”
Mary Pipher,
author of Reviving Ophelia, Women Rowing North, A Light in Life: Meditations on Impermanence
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“Side by Side is beautifully written, heartfelt, and profound. The authors traveled the country to interview older couples about their marriages. Their questions were excellent, and the couples they interviewed answered in honest, articulate, and detailed ways.
The stories they tell are powerful and poignant teaching stories.
The couples were from diverse backgrounds and parts of the country, but they shared many common traits. All were spiritual seekers striving for deep and mutually satisfying relationships. Even as they said goodbye to their parents and approached their deaths, they also faced a world in crisis.
In the last chapter, the authors share their own marital struggles. I greatly respected their candor and commitment to each other.
All older people now face the loss of the world as we knew it. These stories of relationships can help us understand how to face even the greatest challenges with love, joy, and equanimity.”
Mary Pipher,
author of Reviving Ophelia, Women Rowing North, A Light in Life: Meditations on Impermanence
Your content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Your content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
